A YEAR LATER #endthestigma
I am not one to shy away when speaking about anxiety and my struggle with it. I am happy to speak openly and give advice, where I can, to people who are sharing similar experiences. It’s been a year since I first wrote down my feelings surrounding the matter and I think in a year I, in myself, have changed.
Before and while writing the post (which you can read here if you fancy) I was terrified. I thought that if I admitted that I was hurting and confessed that I wasn’t ok it would mean that I was defeated. Defeated by this monster in my head that controls my every thought, every feeling. I was scared that people would look at me differently, that the people I was friends with wouldn’t want to hang around with me. I believed that I was going to get laughed at or yelled at for telling the truth about how I feel and what I go through on a daily basis. It was a constant fear of mine that I thought it was going to make me look weak as I am often known as “the strong one” or “the happy one”. These are all things I normally discussed while drunk at 3am.
However, since publishing the post, I have received a great amount of support from people from all over. From people I know and love and from people who have come across the post via Twitter or Instagram. I’ve had people confess they feel the same or have similar thoughts to mine. I’ve had people thank me for speaking about my journey as it has encouraged them to get the help that they deserve. The panic I was feeling was for nothing as the reaction has only been positive.
My journey is still ongoing and will never really end. I will be forever learning about myself and I have made a promise to myself to push out of my comfort zone. I promise myself that I will not be defined by illness inside of my head. I am better than my panic. I am stronger than my worry.
I have sought help and that was the best decision of my life (so far, you know, I’m only 21). I cannot thank the person on the other side of the phone enough for helping me understand and sort through the thoughts in my head. She helped me learn the science behind my panic and convinced me that I am ok and that I do not need fixing. She helped me realise I am not my past and that I have the courage to not let those who have previously hurt me to define me.
Each story is different and everyone will have a different beginning, middle and end. For anyone who is suffering in silence, just know that when you’re ready to speak there will be people to listen. There are people who care and you do not have to fight alone. Please know your feeling are valid and they are real.
I will always try and use what “power” I have with my voice to raise as much awareness about mental health as I can because it is a big part of my life. It is scary and confusing. It controlled me for too long.
My anxiety creeps up when I least expect it but I know that if I breathe in through my nose and also out of my nose I am able to regain control of my breathing and that leads to me regaining control of the situation. I now have an idea of the triggers of what brings on my panic and I have exercises to calm myself down.
So a year later I ask myself these questions. Am I happier? Possibly.
Do I feel good in myself? Sometimes
Am I going to be okay? Absolutely
To quote Buffy Summers, “the hardest thing in this world is to live in it”. My story will never be over and neither will yours. I will continue to tell my story for that one person who may relate and who may need help finding the strength within themselves.
So I ask you this, please continue screaming and yelling about mental health. Please never stop talking about mental health because the fight is never over. #endthestigma
Before and while writing the post (which you can read here if you fancy) I was terrified. I thought that if I admitted that I was hurting and confessed that I wasn’t ok it would mean that I was defeated. Defeated by this monster in my head that controls my every thought, every feeling. I was scared that people would look at me differently, that the people I was friends with wouldn’t want to hang around with me. I believed that I was going to get laughed at or yelled at for telling the truth about how I feel and what I go through on a daily basis. It was a constant fear of mine that I thought it was going to make me look weak as I am often known as “the strong one” or “the happy one”. These are all things I normally discussed while drunk at 3am.
However, since publishing the post, I have received a great amount of support from people from all over. From people I know and love and from people who have come across the post via Twitter or Instagram. I’ve had people confess they feel the same or have similar thoughts to mine. I’ve had people thank me for speaking about my journey as it has encouraged them to get the help that they deserve. The panic I was feeling was for nothing as the reaction has only been positive.
My journey is still ongoing and will never really end. I will be forever learning about myself and I have made a promise to myself to push out of my comfort zone. I promise myself that I will not be defined by illness inside of my head. I am better than my panic. I am stronger than my worry.
I have sought help and that was the best decision of my life (so far, you know, I’m only 21). I cannot thank the person on the other side of the phone enough for helping me understand and sort through the thoughts in my head. She helped me learn the science behind my panic and convinced me that I am ok and that I do not need fixing. She helped me realise I am not my past and that I have the courage to not let those who have previously hurt me to define me.
Each story is different and everyone will have a different beginning, middle and end. For anyone who is suffering in silence, just know that when you’re ready to speak there will be people to listen. There are people who care and you do not have to fight alone. Please know your feeling are valid and they are real.
I will always try and use what “power” I have with my voice to raise as much awareness about mental health as I can because it is a big part of my life. It is scary and confusing. It controlled me for too long.
My anxiety creeps up when I least expect it but I know that if I breathe in through my nose and also out of my nose I am able to regain control of my breathing and that leads to me regaining control of the situation. I now have an idea of the triggers of what brings on my panic and I have exercises to calm myself down.
So a year later I ask myself these questions. Am I happier? Possibly.
Do I feel good in myself? Sometimes
Am I going to be okay? Absolutely
To quote Buffy Summers, “the hardest thing in this world is to live in it”. My story will never be over and neither will yours. I will continue to tell my story for that one person who may relate and who may need help finding the strength within themselves.
So I ask you this, please continue screaming and yelling about mental health. Please never stop talking about mental health because the fight is never over. #endthestigma
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