Life in lockdown V.2
“It is always the same. Whether you are walking or going by train, the way always seems shorter the second time than the first." ―
As the months go by it is evident that within this pandemic we are all in the same storm but we are not all on the same boat taking us to safety. The second UK national lockdown is near and I can feel the panic that is in the air. There are people who will now be out of work. There are people fighting for their lives. There are people so much 'worse off' than me and I can't help but feel the same amount guilt at the start of the first lockdown - I am privileged to work in a job I love and to work for a company that really values its employees and our physical/mental well being. I am privilege that I live in a household where I am loved and cared for. I have friends that I can make memories with virtually again.
Entering a lockdown at the start of winter has a different feeling than back in the Spring. Spring in itself is there to create and blossom new beginnings. A winter lockdown will definitely a time of fight or flight.
There are some days where a self-care article just doesn't provide any help. There are some days where a warm bubble bath and fresh duvet sheets don't do the trick. I am someone who needs to be busy to distract me from thoughts that are consuming my entire being and organising a socially distanced picnic with your best friend in the middle of November isn't possible. The tricks I learned between the months of March - July will have to be adapted to this new way of living. The days are closing in quicker and trying to take Buddie for a walk in the cold weather is impossible (people say my dog is spoilt? I just don't see it). This time around there will be extra factors playing apart on making it a little harder to cope.
I wrote back in May "Maybe my role during this pandemic is to make sure the people around me feel safe and loved?"and while I still deem this to be true, I need to ask myself if I am making sure I feel safe and loved? Looking back now my coping mechanisms for what I was feeling was to ignore and push them down and focus my energy on the people in my life who needed me. While I was running at 65%, I absolutely needed to make sure that the people that I was surrounded by were running on at least 95%. I used the last lockdown as my version of rehab and I was in a headspace where I believed the lockdown was the time to fight off the negative thoughts running through my head. I made some real progress in how I perceived myself and found some new healthy coping mechanisms to help with the very bad days. I became a lot more open with how I was feeling and reached out to friends if I needed to talk. The summer months were amazing and I created some great social distanced memories - I am a little terrified for the winter months.
As the days get darker so may the thoughts in your friend's mind. Check in on your happiest friend - a two second text message may mean the world to someone who is trying so hard to be strong for the people around them. As the days get darker, remember a small act of kindness goes a long way.
This time around I am making three messages to remember:
The only person putting pressure on me to be productive is myself
This lockdown do not put pressure on yourself to learn a new skill. This lockdown do not beat yourself up if all you do on a weekend is watch Christmas films (how many times is it acceptable to watch The Grinch (2000)?) and listen to cheesy pop music. Remember some days getting out of bed and changing your socks is enough productivity for that day. Remember that your dogs/pets love you even on your worst days and you are not your mental illness.
My body is the least interesting thing about myself
Bringing this one back from the last post as it is something I will continue to work on, probably for the rest of my life. I will continue to get better and continue not to feel guilty about eating my favourite foods this lockdown. I promise myself I will continue to remind myself that eating isn't a luxury, it is a necessity. I can’t skip meals and hope my surroundings fill me up because I currently have no other satisfying distractions that will keep me from hearing my stomach growl.
To complete one act of random kindness a day
We are all on different boats and in our boats we all have different supplies for survival. I am in a very privileged position on my boat - So I promise that every day I will complete on act of random kindness to brighten up these dark days. I will continue to use my voice to speak about things that I believe about and I will continue to use my voice to raise awareness on all things that are important. I will never shout louder than those that are telling their story, I will be here to help and assist where possible. The UK needs a little kindness currently and if I can help, I will.
The winter lockdown has a possibility to save thousands of lives and it has a possibility to create a tough few months for some people. Don't be afraid to reach out if you feel as though you are hurting. Please reach out if all you need to do is have someone listen to you rant. Please don't be so hard on yourself - we are all fighting a battle in different ways. Your experience won't be like your neighbour's and that is ok.
Life may feel very uncertain and you may be feeling all kinds of emotions. Every feeling is valid and deserves to be felt. There is no right or wrong way to 'do' a lockdown - Stay safe and do what is right for you and your family.
Two months left of 2020 and you have got through every day so far - Please keep going.
“A person's true strength will be known in his revival, not in his survival” ―
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