A NEW JOURNEY

For the last 2 years I have spoken out about my journey (call it what you will) with anxiety and the troubles I have faced. I have spoken about how therapy was the greatest decision I ever made and how supportive the people in my life had been when I was going through my dark tunnel. Update: anxiety is still here. The panic attacks still happen. The irrational thinking never leaves my thoughts. However, like previously stated (check out last years post), I am OK. I know my lil tips and tricks to help me. I know that any irrational thought can be killed by the truth and facts. I understand how my brain works and how to get myself out of, what my body believes to be, a dangerous situation. 

It’s been three years since I started writing to clear my head and this year I want to speak about something else. 

All through secondary school I did the minimal work, revision, studying I could just so I could pass. I was lucky enough to get by - I didn’t take well to mock exams or anything that, to me, “didn’t count”. If I were interested and passionate about a project then that would be all I thought about. I absolutely did not care about fractions or percentages. I couldn’t care less about what was inside of a leaf. I went to school because I had too and I went to sixth form because I finally could learn things I wanted to. I had an aim to go to university and study acting, and for a long time that was a reality. That was, until I realised learning because I had to wasn’t for me and I hated people telling me what to learn (plus, if you think my head is a mess now... Gosh! You should’ve seen me at 18). My revision notes for Sixth Form mainly contained pictures of Shakespearean characters as fruit and vegetables and how I passed psychology with notes like: “horse = father” (give yourself a gold star if you got that reference) is still a surprise to me now. I was so excited to leave the educational system and start work. My goal? Make money and travel! The dreams of an 18 year old. 

April 2016, I started working for a company that I love and in April 2018 I progressed into a role I adore. You may be reading this and you’re probably thinking “what does this have to do with mental health?!” - I’ll tell you. For the first time in my life I care wholeheartedly about something. I worked my backside off to get where I am. I very much love going to work everyday. However, I am experiencing a new type of health issue that I haven’t really experienced before. Stress. 

The stigma around stress and people under the age of 35 is something that is very negative. “What could you possibly have to be stressed about?” “Ha! Wait until you have real responsibilities” “You’re too youngto be stressed!” It’s hard to admit you need help when people around you make you feel as though nothing is wrong. It’s a new feeling to me and at the moment I don’t really know how to handle the feeling when it appears. I know that a bath helps and a cuddle from my pup is life changing. For the first time in my life, I don’t know how to relax my mind. My brain is chaotic and my body hurts. 

People tell you that stress can have physical side effects on your body but I always thought that it couldn’t be that bad. My hair is at its all time thinnest, my sore throat and lack of voice are screaming to be heard, the tension in my forearms are enough to chop through an entire forrest (won’t be doing that, save the planet) and my brain feels like it is gonna explode. If you think I’m winking at you, sorry to disappoint but that’s just my twitching eye. I’ve always been one to relax and took great joy in doing nothing - It is freaking me out that I cannot do that anymore. When I stop, I have no energy - So the only way to keep me going, is to keep going. That in itself is harming me. 

This is a new journey and improvements are showing. 

I am so lucky I am surrounded by people who listen and care for what I have to say. I have people in my life I can lean on and for that I will be forever grateful. This feeling is something I will have to work through and continuously learn how to control. I understand that the changes won’t happen over night and I am the only who can control the stress levels in my brain. The stigma around young people and stress (mental health in general) is still something that needs to be worked on which is why it has taken me three weeks to write this post. For the first time in my life I am nervous about sharing my work, but I’d be a complete hypocrite if I didn’t share my story. 

I will always yell about mental health and how important it is. I don’t have everything figured out and I am still learning. 

Together, we can #endthestigma. 

Thank you for reading, 

Jamie